I’ve talked about my story on various podcasts I’ve been on, but I’ve never written it down before. Everything still felt too raw, too real. But lately, I’ve been called to share more of my story, and the reason I decided to create the Soul Care Planner.
Just six weeks after my son was born, I got the 5 am phone call that forever changed the path I was on. My Dad was in the emergency room with a brain bleed and wasn’t going to make it.
I remember that moment with such clarity. I was already awake when the phone rang, bleary-eyed after a restless night with my newborn, and I knew before I answered the phone that it wasn’t good news. I don’t remember much of the conversation, but only wordlessly getting out of bed and walking to the nursery, to where my husband and son were. And then I fell to my knees, crying. The shock giving way to a wave of grief so intense I thought it would pull me under and wash me away.
Getting lost in grief
The next few months were a daze, the sleep deprivation that comes with a new baby blurring with the depression that follows grief and loss. I felt anchorless and adrift and moved through time on rote memory, the needs of my infant driving me out of my bed each day.
Some mornings would find me crashing against a rocky shore in my rage and anger, while others would be like floating in the middle of the still blue ocean, an endless expanse of sorrow everywhere I looked.
This wasn’t my first time traveling with grief, as I had lost my grandparents, my brother, and my mother all years before. But my Dad was my last connection, the final remaining member of the family I grew up with. And it felt like I had been untethered from everything I knew.
Adding to that weight was the unlearning that comes with becoming a mother, the retracing of my steps to figure out who I was while raising a child.
I was unmoored and needed a guiding light to lead me back to myself because without one it felt like I would be lost in this sea of grief forever.
And so I looked to the one constant in life that always gave me hope: the moon.
Looking to the moon
Astrology has always been a love of mine, and I was forever fascinated by the stars and planets and their cosmic dance in the sky. At this point in my life, I had studied astrology for over a decade and had slowly infused it into my work, becoming ever passionate about using astrology as a tool for discovering our soul song amidst all the noise that surrounds us.
But now I found myself using astrology as a different tool. As a form of self-care, and a way for checking in with how I felt that didn’t overwhelm me and leave me running for the hills. My emotions seemed to stick to the hues of despair, rage, and confusion, and while I knew this was normal, healthy even, I wanted to feel safe letting myself feel something else. Anything else.
So I started paying more attention to the moon and the shifts between phases and signs. I noticed how my energy shifted and grew as the light of the moon waxed, and I craved more downtime when the light of the moon waned.
I began to give myself easy to accomplish tasks that corresponded to the zodiac sign the moon was in. Things that were simple and didn’t feel like trying to move a mountain. If the Moon was in the sign of Aries, a sign all about taking action, I would put my son in the stroller and we’d go for a walk in the neighborhood. If the Moon was in Cancer, a sign dealing with nurturing yourself, I would take a midday bath and listen to soothing music while my son napped. Each day I would turn to the Moon for guidance and direction, to find a simple task I could do that would help me connect back to myself that felt safe and doable.
This simple practice helped me feel more comfortable over time with expanding my world. With being okay traveling through the ups and downs of grief, and even feeling something tight in my chest relax and loosen around the idea of feeling happy again. I felt more grounded and centered, and like I was back walking on the shores of the ocean, instead of being swept away by it.
The moon signs as a daily guide
Over time these were the simple acts I discovered that worked best for me based on the moon sign:
Aries Moon: Take a walk.
Taurus: Eat nourishing food.
Gemini: Write in a journal.
Cancer: Take a bath.
Leo: Go to a playground or park.
Virgo: Work in the garden.
Libra: Talk it out with others.
Scorpio: Listen to music.
Capricorn: Make a list.
Aquarius: Visit a local farmer’s market.
Pisces: Take a nap.
Just the simple act of looking to the moon each day helped lift the fog of grief enough to see the shoreline so I could begin to find my way back to myself. And now it is my life’s purpose to help others do the same. If you’d curious about this work and how tools like astrology and the lunar cycle can help you find yourself again, you can find our more about my work here.