So it’s my first blog post of 2017! I had *planned* on this post being a look back at my 17 before 2017 and taking a look at what goals worked and which ones didn’t BUT life has kind of gotten in the way.
Life. Le sigh.
Real talk time.
So, you may or may not know (it’s not like I go around shouting this from the rooftops) that I have endometriosis. Stage 4, in fact, which pretty much means that’s bad and painful and can definitely be life interfering. For the most part, I don’t have any issues except for some really intense menstrual pain and maybe a few painful twinges throughout the month. It used to be a lot worse, but I had a couple of surgeries years ago that really helped and pain management really hasn’t been an issue since then (knock on wood).
But about four months ago that started to change. Pain started to occur more and more often, and I kept brushing it aside - partly because I was in the middle of the holiday rush of orders and looking back I really had some blinders on and was really putting my body and it’s needs last. I knew I should just stop everything and get checked out, but I kept pushing through, hoping once things slowed down, I’d feel better.
Well things have slowed down, and some time has passed, and now I’m at the point where the pain is always there. Constant eye watering stabbing, aching pain. Movement in general hurts, and some movements cause intense, sharp, blinding pain that will bring me to tears (and my knees).
Now no worries, because I’ve been to the doctor(s), had some tests done and am awaiting results to make a plan to deal with whatever is happening. So I’m getting the care I need.
But the big impact here is the shift I’m taking in my approach to all my businesses. I’m slowing down. Slowing way down. Turtle pace slow. I need to put my body first, my self care first.
You can already see the shift that I’m carrying way less inventory in the Shop and I’m planning on more seasonal shop updates than my typical by-weekly ones.
Now, don’t get me wrong, this feels terrifying. This feels scary and this choice has brought me to tears time and time again over if I’m making the right decision. There is so much rush-rush-rush and busy-busy-busy in the world today that if you step off that hamster wheel, you wonder if anyone will notice and step off with you. If I’m not making something new everyday, will I still be able to support my family? If I’m not posting to social media 3x a day, will folks still remember who I am? These questions have been racing in my mind over the past few weeks.
So at this point, I’m just taking a big breath and letting go.
I don’t believe in coincidences, so the fact that all this is happening, and add to it that months ago I choose my word for 2017: balance. It’s pretty clear to me that the Universe is sending some giant, neon lights to wave in my face (or maybe hit me in the face) so I will slow down and put myself first. And the fact that I started NovaLuna this year is just another serendipitously timed adventure, as although it does take time and energy to run and operate, it’s not as intense as sitting down at the jewelry bench every day.
I also don’t plan on disappearing - but do expect more chatter from me regarding self care and needs. Hopefully as the weather warms (and my body feels better) I’ll be sharing more photos of daily hikes and general frolicking in nature. On that note, I’m in the beginning processes of harness training one of my cats, so hopefully you’ll see her on my hikes as well. ;)
Anyway, I wanted to take some time to share a little bit behind what was going on, as I know some folks have noticed the silence on my end and have reached out to make sure everything was A-ok. Right now things are a little up in the air, but progressing in the right direction, it’s just one day at a time right now.